Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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