we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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