Buhtt sex?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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