And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
