i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
