I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
