If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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