every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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