I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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