Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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