Your dad touched me again.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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