I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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