Can i not drive my cunt home
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
