I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
