Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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