the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
it's great music for shaving your balls
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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