There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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