new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
