ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
