I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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