Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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