Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
where are you?
Hypothermia
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
