I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
