I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
