my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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