Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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