Your mouth is God's brothel.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
