tonight lets celebrate not being married
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
