grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
