Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
