I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I cannot find my penis.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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