thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
