hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
