Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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