He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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