I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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