In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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