Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its not stalking. its research.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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