i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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