After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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