I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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