Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Your dad touched me again.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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