The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
