Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
