so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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