Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
