I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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