he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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