i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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