i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
