i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
