I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
