The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it glows. i had to have it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
