Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
how drunk are you?
Several
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
