I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
