you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
