let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
