My nipple is on Facebook.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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