shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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