Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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