Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
