I want to have your abortion
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
