I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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