I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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