Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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