I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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