Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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