they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
