and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
