pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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